Heartbreak Histories: An Evolutionary process.

I have been thinking about heartbreak histories a lot lately.  There is that ol’ safe sex adage that when you sleep with someone, you sleep with everyone they’ve slept with before you as well, which actually is applicable when you are just simply dating.  Perhaps it is even more significant a concept when you are in that phase of blissfully getting to know each other – before the sex part happens.

No matter how good you are, no matter how much the sun shines out of your ass, there will always be the ex factor to contend with.  You will be, or the budding relationship will be, compared, contrasted and examined against everything that has happened before you.  Make no mistake about it, the journey they took to get to you is just as important as the journey they will take with you…….if they even choose to take a journey with you, that is.

As I sit here writing this, I find myself wondering if the ex factor is some kind of social evolutionary tactic designed to keep you grounded in some amount of reality.  You could float around for hours with your bare ass open to the wind if it weren’t for those occasional conversations about the one that came before.  In a single moment, you are brought back to the earth below your feet with a quick thud and one clear train of thought.

Because of the process of what came before, you have to learn to keep your chin up and keep your powder dry.   That’s the best you can do.

In a world where casual most often reigns, dropping speed on the relationship can’t hardly build a strong enough foundation to survive the basic ups and downs of life.  Yet, for some reason, the minute one puts their heart on their sleeve, the fear of being hurt takes over and can easily be a force of destruction no one ever expected.  Dropping speed seems to be the only way to slow down the fear, and ultimately the typical source of dysfunction.   But, for every action there is a reaction and the laws of physics must agian be applied if one wants to look forward in life.  This is where the heartbreak history comes into play in a positive context.  The relationship that came before has nothing to do with you, but, for that first little while, has a huge impact on the way you are perceived.  If the the relationship before was not fostered properly, than perhaps the appropriate time will be given for things to happen when they should.  Then again, it work against you as well.

Just keep your chin up, and keep your powder dry.

The ex factor can make or break a good goin’ thing.  There is no way around it sometimes.  Everyone’s hang ups are stuck on the coat hooks of someone else’s door, and the best one can do is stick around long enough to see how everything will pan out.  You can hope and wish upon stars and day dream and do all those god awful behaviours that inevitably puts you in an awkward position later on down the line.  But the truth is, sometimes history matters more than the day dreamy what if – even if it is to prove that you are indeed better than the rest.   The ex factor will always seep in the seams of whatever it is that you are building, if you are careful, it won’t shake the foundation too much.

So, lovelies, here is to keepin’ my powder dry.