“Dating” no longer exists. At least, not like it used to.

About a week or so ago, I unintentionally started a twitter debate.  It was a small debate, but I think it still counts.

You see, in a huff of frustration I tweeted that Halifax is a hard city to be single in.  My feelings were not the result of a heartless one night stand (if only), nor were they related to any romantic mishaps that might enrage a singleton.  Nope.  Nothing.  In fact, it is that nothing that was indeed the culprit behind the tweet.  I have never had trouble dating in any other city, but this one seems to be an exceptionally tough (pardon the pun) nut to crack.

Never-the-less, there were those who shared my same romantic woes, and those who didn’t.  In the end, all that resulted was the realization that no one can agree what “dating” actually means.

It would seem that our society has confused the process by adding terms like “seeing someone” or “hooking up” into the mix.  Adding these vague terms has really made a mess of what should be a simple process of defining the verb “to date.”

So then, what does “to date” mean?

The Oxford Dictionary defines it as a social or romantic appointment or engagement.  But, when you think about it, this kind of definition fails to recognize the social nuances that we apply to the term “dating”.  So I took the question to the people.  And the answers provided a little bit of clarity.  No much, but some.

The common thread running through the answers was that dating is the “interview period.”  The time between the first few drinks and the “seriously committed relationship.”  But the level of exclusivity hooked to the term was more than just one shade of grey.  I got answers that consisted of “If all goes well, the upgrade to ‘exclusively dating’ happens next” to “exclusive pairing of two people interested in giving love a chance, no expectations of ultimate commitment.”

Ugh.  Thanks boys, but that doesn’t really help clarify the issue at hand.

As one responder so wisely pointed out, it all depends on  “one’s age and whether you live in the city.”  And, you see, the academics agree.

Recently, J. Wentland and E. Reissing did some research that was published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality that may expand on why the definition of “dating” has become murky.  In fact, upon reading the article, their only resolve is that “dating” is no longer as straightforward as it used to be.  In their closing discussion they highlight that “young adults appear be developing broader conceptualizations of what constitutes a relationship.”  This means that us singletons are left trying to define our own romantic lives in a world where “dating” has been divided in to various sub-categories.

Just when I thought I was close to understanding it all, it changes again.  Fuck.

But, as one dear tweetheart pointed out, “dating” is defined through the communication between the two (or more, if that’s your style) involved.  And communication is the thesis to most of my writings here.  Open, honest, and raw communication.  Blunt and straight-shootin’.  It’s hard to do but the lack of it is often at the root of most romantic collapses.  Communication is always key.

However, I am still sitting here.  Single, sexually frustrated and drinking wine by my lonesome.  I still stand by what I said.  It’s hard to date in Halifax – no matter what the definition is.

XO

/J

Ps.  Many thanks to the tweethearts who responded: @bill_mcewen @michaeldinn @RedRabbit6 @brewnoser  and my friend James.  Also thanks to @CitizenWilliams.  You should follow these folks, they’re rad.

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