Put some thought into it
Earlier today I realized that this is the first Christmas, in a long time, that I have been single for. I’ve been dumped on Christmas eve, but I am not counting that particular Christmas. And I am sorry to say this, sorry to all my ex’s that is, but I have never received a really good gift from a romantic partner. And no, before you go putting words in my mouth, I am not lamenting this fact. Just merely stating it.
But as it’s the holiday season, I’ve been thinking about it just the same. I love giving gifts to those whom I love. I love putting thought into it and surprising them with something special. I’ll make something, I’ll search the world for something, I’ll do what is required to show them that I really do care about who they are.
And while everyone – those who are inherently “good” and those who just want to look the part – will tell you that gifts aren’t the meaning of the season, they’re missing a key fact about giving gifts. Sure love is the “spirit” of the holidays. But let’s be honest here, giving something to someone you love is a good thing for the relationship, romantic or otherwise.
The art of gift giving has been studied by social scientists for eons. Some form of gift giving is found in nearly every culture world-wide. Surely, the act of giving a gift has something to do with the “spirit” of the season. Ellen J. Langer was quoted in an ’07 New York Times article saying that the act of giving a gift shows that you have been paying attention to the other person – that you care. She argues that not giving a gift does a “disservice” to the relationship in question. And she is categorically, 100 % correct. But the argument she makes fails to mention that any old gift will not do. If you really love the person you are giving to, you have to put some thought into it.
This means you have to listen to the person. All year ’round. If they keep talking about how much they want to go Austrailia, but them travel books and write an encouraging message in the card. If they play guitar and talk about their gear all the time, listen intently and figure out what they feel they are missing from their set-up. If they have just recently bought a fancy camera and want to take up the art, buy them photography lessons from a local art school. You give the gift that shows you pay attention, that means you care.
If you can’t do that – if you can’t listen to your partner – then there is something wrong with the relationship. I hate to be a sour puss during the holidays, but if you can’t put effort into the act of making your loved one radiate when they open their present, your relationship isn’t meant to be. But that’s just it, isn’t it?
Giving gifts that mean something make you feel good. Knowing that the receiver is overjoyed with what you have given them is more than just uplifting. And it’s uplifting because you put some thought into it. You put some of your valuable time into figuring out what that special gift could be. You did that. For them. The “spirit” of the holidays isn’t just love – it’s showing that you love and how much you love.
So, for you, my lovelies I give you the gift of a dare. If there is someone out there that needs to know you love them make, build, create, or buy them something that will show them that. Put thought into how and share your love.
And no, I don’t mean show them your love bits. That would be rude.
Good tidings to all of you!
/J
