…But as I sit here, reflecting on that moment in my own heartbreak history, I find myself wondering about kissing in general.  Kissing carries a lot of weight in our society. Like that scene in Pretty Woman suggests, when Julia Roberts’ character says she’ll do anything except kiss on the mouth, kissing is a sacred thing in our society.  No matter how cool you may appear to be, a kiss – a real kiss – is never just a kiss.

Kissing requires a lot of kinetic energy, and uses 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles.  Perhaps more notably interesting though, is that the lips have more nerve endings than the clitoris or the penis. It has also been found by researchers that increased kissing can reduce in perceived stress levels, increase relationship satisfaction, and even lower your cholesterol.  With these basic facts alone, it’s easy to understand why kissing is so important around the world.

But it doesn’t entirely explain the sacred aspect of kissing that our society places on a kiss.

Humour me for a moment.  Sit back, close your eyes and think about the best kiss of your life.  Remember and recall every moment of that kiss.  Every sensation.

I bet you that you can think of one, or many, rather quickly.  And I bet that memory makes you feel good.  Despite what may have followed it, that particular kiss (or kisses), is a good memory.

And for that reason alone, I don’t care how good a player you are or how callous you may think you are, you secretly agree.  Kissing is sacred.

Still aren’t sold yet?  Then let’s look at the word sacred.  Sacred can be defined as “devoted or dedicated to a diety or to some religious purpose.”  And historically, throughout many varied religions, kissing has been recognized as an act of reverence.  Kissing someone, or something, can be found in almost any religion and often has great significance.  Kissing has always been a sacred act.

And somewhere, even if it’s buried deep within our psyche, we still respect the sacredness of a kiss.

So this New Year’s Eve, when you find that someone to kiss at midnight, take a second before you do it.  Say a prayer, make a wish, or do what ever it is you do.  Who knows?  Maybe it actually does bring you good luck.

Much love,

/Jane

But as it’s the holiday season, I’ve been thinking about it just the same.  I love giving gifts to those whom I love.  I love putting thought into it and surprising them with something special.  I’ll make something, I’ll search the world for something, I’ll do what is required to show them that I really do care about who they are.

And while everyone – those who are inherently “good” and those who just want to look the part – will tell you that gifts aren’t the meaning of the season, they’re missing a key fact about giving gifts.  Sure love is the “spirit” of the holidays.  But let’s be honest here, giving something to someone you love is a good thing for the relationship, romantic or otherwise.

The art of gift giving has been studied by social scientists for eons. Some form of gift giving is found in nearly every culture world-wide.  Surely, the act of giving a gift has something to do with the “spirit” of the season.  Ellen J. Langer was quoted in an ’07 New York Times article saying that the act of giving a gift shows that you have been paying attention to the other person – that you care.  She argues that not giving a gift does a “disservice” to the relationship in question.  And she is categorically, 100 %  correct.  But the argument she makes fails to mention that any old gift will not do.  If you really love the person you are giving to, you have to put some thought into it.

This means you have to listen to the person.  All year ’round.  If they keep talking about how much they want to go Austrailia, but them travel books and write an encouraging message in the card.  If they play guitar and talk about their gear all the time, listen intently and figure out what they feel they are missing from their set-up.  If they have just recently bought a fancy camera and want to take up the art, buy them photography lessons from a local art school.  You give the gift that shows you pay attention, that means  you care.

If you can’t do that – if you can’t listen to your partner – then there is something wrong with the relationship.  I hate to be a sour puss during the holidays, but if you can’t put effort into the act of making your loved one radiate when they open their present, your relationship isn’t meant to be.  But that’s just it, isn’t it?

Giving gifts that mean something make you feel good.  Knowing that the receiver is overjoyed with what you have given them is more than just uplifting.  And it’s uplifting because you put some thought into it.  You put some of your valuable time into figuring out what that special gift could be.  You did that. For them.  The “spirit” of the holidays isn’t just love – it’s showing that you love and how much you love.

So, for you, my lovelies I give you the gift of a dare.  If there is someone out there that needs to know you love them make, build, create, or buy them something that will show them that.  Put thought into how and share your love.

And no, I don’t mean show them your love bits.  That would be rude.

Good tidings to all of you!

/J

You see, in a huff of frustration I tweeted that Halifax is a hard city to be single in.  My feelings were not the result of a heartless one night stand (if only), nor were they related to any romantic mishaps that might enrage a singleton.  Nope.  Nothing.  In fact, it is that nothing that was indeed the culprit behind the tweet.  I have never had trouble dating in any other city, but this one seems to be an exceptionally tough (pardon the pun) nut to crack.

Never-the-less, there were those who shared my same romantic woes, and those who didn’t.  In the end, all that resulted was the realization that no one can agree what “dating” actually means.

It would seem that our society has confused the process by adding terms like “seeing someone” or “hooking up” into the mix.  Adding these vague terms has really made a mess of what should be a simple process of defining the verb “to date.”

So then, what does “to date” mean?

The Oxford Dictionary defines it as a social or romantic appointment or engagement.  But, when you think about it, this kind of definition fails to recognize the social nuances that we apply to the term “dating”.  So I took the question to the people.  And the answers provided a little bit of clarity.  No much, but some.

The common thread running through the answers was that dating is the “interview period.”  The time between the first few drinks and the “seriously committed relationship.”  But the level of exclusivity hooked to the term was more than just one shade of grey.  I got answers that consisted of “If all goes well, the upgrade to ‘exclusively dating’ happens next” to “exclusive pairing of two people interested in giving love a chance, no expectations of ultimate commitment.”

Ugh.  Thanks boys, but that doesn’t really help clarify the issue at hand.

As one responder so wisely pointed out, it all depends on  “one’s age and whether you live in the city.”  And, you see, the academics agree.

Recently, J. Wentland and E. Reissing did some research that was published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality that may expand on why the definition of “dating” has become murky.  In fact, upon reading the article, their only resolve is that “dating” is no longer as straightforward as it used to be.  In their closing discussion they highlight that “young adults appear be developing broader conceptualizations of what constitutes a relationship.”  This means that us singletons are left trying to define our own romantic lives in a world where “dating” has been divided in to various sub-categories.

Just when I thought I was close to understanding it all, it changes again.  Fuck.

But, as one dear tweetheart pointed out, “dating” is defined through the communication between the two (or more, if that’s your style) involved.  And communication is the thesis to most of my writings here.  Open, honest, and raw communication.  Blunt and straight-shootin’.  It’s hard to do but the lack of it is often at the root of most romantic collapses.  Communication is always key.

However, I am still sitting here.  Single, sexually frustrated and drinking wine by my lonesome.  I still stand by what I said.  It’s hard to date in Halifax – no matter what the definition is.

XO

/J

Ps.  Many thanks to the tweethearts who responded: @bill_mcewen @michaeldinn @RedRabbit6 @brewnoser  and my friend James.  Also thanks to @CitizenWilliams.  You should follow these folks, they’re rad.

If you get physical too early on in the game it gives them mind games to play that are tedious to navigate through. Don’t run the table until you know they’re off balance.
Back the fuck away whenever addiction is involved. That game’s never worth playing.

Be an honest player – more for yourself than whoever’s getting played. See, it’s fine to be any kind of scum you’d like, live in a cesspool but make sure you’re clear and upfront about it. Say to them straight up “I’m a junkie and drugs will always be more important than you” that way it’s their choice if they want to swim in your cesspool – not yours.

If you find yourself playing someone who’s playing by a different set of rules… adjust your settings and run with mostly their rules.

After making any kind of stand up statement, state your case and stare the other person down. Don’t bite, don’t flinch and don’t break their gaze.

Never get uppity. It’s bad form. If you’re standing in a room with 2 other couples and your lady and you’re thinking smugly because you’ve got the inside track to these ladies, you know you’ve been with all three of them and that’s making you uppity….

You’re in deep shit. I tell you this: When a woman you’ve been playing decides to play you, you’re getting played good. None of this casual sex on an elevator crap for her, it’s amateur. She’s gonna go do your best friend right under your damn nose.

I tell you this: If you’re all smug because you’ve had some guy’s woman behind his back then you need to know this….. while you were out bagging his wife he was out bagging your daughter.

If you must play the game at least adhere to the rules, play an honest game and know that at least once you’re going to get played yourself. The better the player you are the better you’re going to get played; make no mistake about it.

Never stop learning the game. You may think you know everything you need to know about human behaviour but you don’t. Always bring new shit to the table.

If first blood is drawn, make sure it was you doing the drawing. You need to always get off the first shot. Always have the upper hand. Always beat them to the punch.

If you can’t be honest than at least do your research. Don’t take philosophers out of context and misquote people to beef up the lie. You look like an idiot when you do that.

At least 95% of your communication should be a one liner. This is an ever so slightly tweaked version of “fogging” (see assertiveness training techniques). When you are asked almost anything you answer with the same catch phrase.
My personal favourite is “s’all good”.

“wanna hang out tonight?”
“s’all good”

“why don’t you crash at my place tonight?”
“s’all good”

“do you see other guys, other than me?”
“sweetie, s’all good”

This is imperative. Now, pissant players have this tendency to pick one liners that are not really as functional as you’d think….. an example of this:
“wanna hang out tonight?”
“whatever”

“why don’t you crash at my place tonight?”
“whatever”

“do you see other guys, other than me?”
“whatever”

Be as clear as possible with all instructions and rules. There is way more chance for a slip up and subsequent drama if you don’t issue clear edicts. Again, if you’re being honest with them then the slip-ups in general don’t pack the same punch.

If you must play the game at least adhere to the rules, play an honest game and know that at least once you’re going to get played yourself. The better the player you are the better you’re going to get played; make no mistake about it.

Never rule anyone out. Just because a person looks all apple pie like doesn’t mean they won’t play you or stick it to you good. No one actually likes being played so you want to keep the chance of getting burned to a bare minimum.

There should be a certain respect paid to whomever you are playing. If you are going to be fucking the living daylights out of someone, then it is not too much to be asked to keep to the arrangement (or cancel in advance) and be on time for the whatever is scheduled.

It’s only decent to let the playee know that you are slotting them into a ‘window’ and avoid any disappointment. If you’re gonna play then be sure to play as fair as possible.

There is no need to spend time discussing the other persons’ day/time at work/boyfriend/girlfriend/politics etc. However, they often carry this expectation with them. Here’s where the one liner comes in handy.

“How was your day?”
“s’all good”

“Aren’t you going to ask me how my meeting with my boss went?”
“s’all good”

Likewise, if you are going to do a little playing during the week, don’t make idle chit-chat; talk dirty, tell them you want them, arrange the next meeting and get off the phone.

Never apologize for what you want, be polite, flirtatious and firm; make it clear that you don’t want any emotional attachment and check that your playee wants the same. Mutual consent = good game.

Be the Game! Treat every round like it is your last, put in the work and be unselfish. They will keep coming back for more because they know the worker bee will produce the honey.

Know your game! Don’t make “future plans” or give them the third degree about any damn thing. Bethe player you claim to be and treat them the same way. No matter how good the sex is, if you get emotional and they don’t, your player days are numbered. Being a player is about hedonism.

Be human! Always treat them with respect when they unexpectedly call and always return their call even if you can’t meet. Be honest about everything you want and don’t want.

If you must play the game at least adhere to the rules, play an honest game and know that at least once you’re going to get played yourself. The better the player you are the better you’re going to get played; make no mistake about it.

Never give a playee the key to your apartment. Or for that matter, never give them your land line, your parents’ location or your real email address.

Remember that players “have sex”; they don’t “make love.”

Don’t be afraid not to commit, no matter how hot the sex is. This is also indicative of a damn good game.

Never let a playee dictate who you are or what you should be doing

Never let yourself be disrespected by a playee.

Always reverse the game; especially if you even begin to think someone might be gaming on you. This way you stay ahead of the game.

Never find yourself in a care giving position. Whether it’s just that they have a cold or they got fired from their job or they have PMS or their dog just died. As soon as you extend any kind of concern other than the proverbial “s’all good” you are being emotional, which is against the rules.

Always get something out of the deal.

Never fight with anyone over somebody you’re playing. It has to do with not being jealous and getting emotional.

Do not wait on your playee hand and glove; that’s bad form. They are supposed to be waiting on you.

Once you believe there is no more game left in the playee, move on to another game.

Never admit at any time to being single. Just respond with “s’all good”

Don’t play anyone who is well beneath your gaming ability.

Always be in control and never let them see you sweat.

No crying, there is no crying in this game

Never use the “big words” that’s just plain cheating. The big words, in case you didn’t know are “I love you”. If a playee says they love you then say “thanks”. Anything you say past that point had better be “s’all good”. Big words = death trap.

Never fall in love.

As the word “soul” is an inherently religious term, so is the word “soulmate”.  The jewish faith has recognized the concept of a soul mate for centuries.  The yiddish word is bashert (באַשערט) which can be translated into destined, predestined, fated, or meant to be.   The word bashert is not limited to romantic exploits though and can referr to good fortune in your career or finding your dream house at a dream price.

The idea of a soulmate can be traced back to Plato’s The Symposium.  In this series of diologues on love, Aristophanes speaks about the idea of twin souls.  He tells a story about how humans originally had four legs, four hands and a head with two faces.  But Zeus was afraid of their power, so he split them creating two from one.  Aristophanes says, “Each of us when separated, having one side only, like a flat fish, is but the indenture of a man, and he is always looking for his other half”.  He continues to speak about that moment in time when these halves find each other.

And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another.

Which is all very nice and interesting to know – but does it prove the existence of soulmates?  Not emperically, no.  In fact, there is no way to actually prove – or disprove – the existence of soulmates.  We have all heard the sickly sweet story about two people who lock eyes from across a room and just know.  They meet, they go one two dates and they just know that this is the person they were meant to be with.

But, as it is pointed out from both Aristophanes and in the Jewish faith, finding your soulmate isn’t the end of what it takes to make a relationship work.  Judaism recognizes that even if you find your bashart, you are still capabale of ruining the relationship and therefore has allowed divorce for centuries.  Relationshsips of any kind require dedication, hard work and paitence.  Sometimes, even if you find your so-called soulmate you or the other person just isn’t ready for that kind of relationship committment.

So then, to quote a TV show of low class and simplistic but wonderful insights – “I believe in the word soul.  I believe in the word mate.  I am just not so sure about soulmate”

XO

/Jane

Start at a doorstep of a public establishment and walk home.  With each step, drop a penny and while simultaneously repeating your wish; “Please bring my true love to me”.

Now, I am not suggesting that magic isn’t real or that whimsical ideals are silly.  I would never actually be comfortable taking up such a debate, but when it comes to romance and love and all that happy stuff, everyone wants to believe in something.  Usually they believe in fate.  And truthfully, I am not about to tell you that’s stupid.

But how much reliance do we put on the notion of fate?  How often do we use fate as an excuse to not put ourselves out there?

Well, let’s quickly examine what fate is – shall we?

Fate often refers to the notion of a predetermined series of events, or destiny.  Although, I am inclined that in today’s society, fate and destiny are distinct from one another.  Destiny tends to refer to a predetermined end or resolution, but fate alludes to the actions that culminate into a single destiny.  But I digress…

Throughout history there have been various deities that are responsible for variations of fate.  In Greek mythology, there was 3 individual moira who, when together, were known as the fates. They are often depicted as seamstresses in robes because they were said to control the thread of life for each mortal.  All events, both bad and good, were merely strung together by the fates according to a predetermined pattern.  Similar stories of thread spinners appears in Roman, Norse and Baltic mythologies (just to name a few).

So then, why do we in this century – that is so dependent on science and logic – still believe in fate when it comes to love?  Well, that’s because finding and falling in love is so hard to explain with science and logic.

But when you are single and lonely, sitting and waiting for fate to come along could mean that you are waiting for a long, long time.  You see, that’s the trouble with relying on fate.  It’s almost like giving up.  You aren’t engaging yourself with the world around you enough to let things just happen.  You spend too much time waiting and not enough time getting out there and showing off the stuff you are made of.

I could ramble on about this for hours, but instead, I will pull this quote from a classic teenaged angst movie:

“Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it’s up to you to make it happen.”

You can’t sit around and wait for it, and you certainly can’t be lazy when it comes to fate.  It only takes you so far, if you don’t step up to the plate, man up, or grow a pair — it ain’t going to happen.

And yes, for the record, I did try that little spell.

It didn’t work.

XO

/J

Everyone has it.  And in the dating world, everyone has to contend with it.  It’s a fact of life.

But how much are you willing to put up with?  What kind of baggage can you handle?  How do you navigate your own while simultaneously dealing with someone else’s?  So many questions; so many unknowns.  The only thing I know for sure is that baggage is a tricky wave to surf.

I recently heard a story about a fellow who isn’t into dating because he is on some kind of spiritual journey.  Now, some of you might think something that decision is wise and prudent and all things positive; and I would like to agree.  But the part that I am now curious about is why the journey started in the first place.  I mean, who goes on a spiritual journey just for funsies?  No one.  That’s who.  Usually these kinds of soul-searching events are thrown into fruition because of some cataclysmic event.  A major heart break.  The death of someone or something.  Something that causes baggage.  And all of a sudden you are avoiding interpersonal relationships.

For the wise among you this may seem too obvious to say, but just for the sake of ensuring that we are all on the same page, I am going to say it anyway.  You cannot succeed on your journey without having to face that major event head on.

This means, for most, the act of finding a sounding board and walking through it word by word.  For the sounding board, that may be too much baggage to handle.  Or, it may be too similar to theirs.  Whatever the issue may be, whatever you may need a sounding board for, you must not sleep with that person in which you confide.

I am sure there are those out there who would be quick to argue that those sharing moments create a bond that could be romantic in nature.  And if we all lived in a Hollywood movie, they would be right.  But we don’t.  That bond created will be intense, powerful, and it burns out faster than you can ever plan for.  Once you start sleeping with that sounding board, you are inevitably setting yourself up for more baggage.  Eventually, you land into a whole bunch of dependency or animosity or both.

So perhaps this fellow’s self imposed non-dating is necessary, and perhaps it is even wise for his current emotional state.  But here’s the thing: call and ace an ace.  If you are feeling like your baggage will impede your ability to start a new relationship, than take a break from the dating world.  But don’t patronize others by calling it a journey of some kind.  The healing process of dealing with baggage is indeed a journey, but the word is rather loaded and could really misconstrue what you are actually going through.

Be honest about your baggage.  Be honest about the fact that there is too much of it in your life right now, and then get to dealing with it.  The journey you will wind up going on will be spiritual in nature.  But if you can maintain this general honesty with yourself and with others, you wil find it’s way more than a journey.  It will be an adventure.

XO

/J

It’s almost like watching a train wreck in process.  Almost.

Two people flirt and laugh and giggle and drink.  And drink.  And drink some more.

The resulting image is one of slurred speech and no inhibitions and can’t really be called sexy.  But when they leave the bar, you know that is the exact direction they are heading in.  I feel a little sad every time I watch one of these couples leave the bar.  I mean, for starters, you cannot expect great sex and you have to anticipate an awkward morning after.  No one really enjoys that kind of action, but we all inevitably do it when the opportunity arises.  Why can we not say no to sloppy, drunken hook-ups?

Some neuro-scientists and evolutionary anthropologists have argued that because sex spikes the productions of very specific “love” neuro-chemicals, a casual hook-up could be a method of chemical persuasion.    But with some deeper investigation, it would seem that science proves that we engage in these hook ups not really looking for the rush of dopamine that comes with sex, but the more addicting oxytocin and vasopressin that happens during orgasm.  The two chemicals responsible for romantic love and attachment. By the by, interesting fact:  holding hands also triggers oxytocin activity.

Evolutionary anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher argues that casual sex isn’t always as casual as it would seem and we subconsciously seek out one-night-stands in an effort to find love.  Start small, as it were.  The one-night-stand could lead into something more. A casual hook-up is, chemically speaking, our way to manipulate potential.  Change the brain chemistry.  Make them chemically tied to you.  Maybe, just maybe, s/he could be the one.

Yes, that’s right;  we all engage in the casual hook up because of mere possiblity.   Yes, it’s fun.  Yes, NSA is a great way of getting laid without adding any pressure to your already stressful life.  Sometimes you need a little liquid courage to get to the point of committing to the one-night-stand.  Sometimes, all we need is an offer.  But at the end of the day, our brain chemicals are steering the ship.  And  according to them and their normal functions, a hook-up is like a foot in the door.  We are looking for someone to be tied to for an amount of time that lasts longer than 12 hours.  24, if you get breakfast out of the deal.

Man, I do miss breakfast.

XO

/J

Ps:  bonus points to you, dear readers, who have an a-ha moment when it comes to the crazies in your sexual history……

Here it is:  Usually, men are more honest with themselves and women are more honest with each other.

The cardinal rule to follow is that for every single human being in western civilization, being truly honest with oneself is one of the hardest things to do.  But as I people watch, converse with peers, and compare notes I have noticed this trend.  Men will usually opt to seek and find their own truths in the private of their own homes.  Women on the other hand, tend to talk through things with their friends eventually coming to some honest conclusions.

I don’t think I am telling you anything particularly new.  I mean, how often do we make fun of the women who want to talk about their feelings with the men who don’t want to?  I do think, however, that we don’t often think of this dynamic difference between the sexes as a side effect of soul searching.  More specifically, I feel as though the concept of being honest with oneself isn’t usually cited as a reason for much of anything these days.

Ok.  Maybe “soul searching” is making poetry of the point here.  But for a lot of people being genuinely honest – real and true – requires a little bit of soul searching.

And that is where my thesis statement can get empowering.  Everyone will, at some point, try to be as honest with themselves as they can be.  Men and women are no different in this regard.  But, how men and women instinctively approach that deepest level of honesty causes some minor (and probably major) clashes.  Don’t let that happen.  Be aware of what is really going on.  Be empathetic towards your partner, your friends, and everyone else.  Being honest with yourself is one of the hardest things to do.

You see, scientifically women are more auditory than men.  Men are more visual.  The way in which we process information is different, and thus, the way in which we soul search is different.   Men tend to make it a solo activity, whereas women need a sounding-board.  But the unifying characteristic is that everyone is just trying to figure out how they really feel and what they really think.

If you find yourself wanting to beat your head against a wall because your partner is saying too much or not saying enough, just pause.  Perhaps they are struggling on something that has nothing to do with you.  Perhaps they are trying to understand something about themselves so that they can love you even more.

Then again, there are always exceptions to every rule.

XO

/J

But I don’t.  I am not like most girls.  When my male friends approach me with these kinds of relationship problems, I am always at a slight loss for words.  Then, at some point, I always hear the line “Why do you chicks pull that kind of stuff?”, as if I am actually supposed to know the answer.  Which, again, I don’t.

But I do have a theory.

You see, a lot of the difficulties people run into while in relationships is because of that constant struggle for power.  Maintaining an equal balance of power is a lot more work than anyone assumes, and sometimes someone feels the need to assert their power a bit more than usual.

In regards to women specifically, the feminist movement has left a bit of a scar.  We are taught, from a very early age, that inequality is wrong and we must be strong and fight for our rights.  Even the language of the feminist movement helps to generate this impression that a certain level of aggression is required.  Telling little girls to “not put up” with, “stand their ground”, and “assert” themselves all culminates into this ideal that when we feel as though we are being treated poorly, it is our right to cause a scene.  A scene that doesn’t always have a logical and well thought out rational.  “I feel like you aren’t respecting me” is a good enough reason to storm out of a room.

And it usually is a good enough reason.  The trouble is, however, that we are not taught what “respect” actually means.  At least not with the same kind of passion that one gets when being taught about “equality” and the “imbalance of power” between men and women.  So we are left to our own devices to determine what is and is not respectful.

Here’s where I struggle with the problem:  I usually side with the masculine ideal of respect and respectfulness.  Respect is not actually about power.  It is about a simple give and take that absolutely has to happen between two adults if they are attempting to engage in a successful monogamous relationship.

Determine what that means and looks like for both of you and stick to it.  Compromise.  Make deals.  Find the middle ground.  Be happy with meeting there.  It’s as simple as that.  It really is unfortunate that most women are taught that being assertive means having to go to some rather unnecessary extremes.  Somewhere, someone forgot to mention that if we have someone’s undivided attention, we don’t need to yell to be heard.

So then, I guess, this is the best advice I have for my straight male friend who find themselves in a bit of a pickle with their lady.  She is just looking for a balance of power, and currently feels like you have all of it.  Now you have to explain to her that you don’t and that everything is still equal and balanced.  And you have to explain all of that without loosing your own balls.

Which I can’t help you out with either.

Sorry.

/J